The Rings of Akhaten review [Neil Cross]

Clara goes on her first adventure in the TARDIS, asking to be taken "somewhere awesome". The Doctor takes her to Tiaanamat, an asteroid orbiting Akhaten where a song that's kept a god in slumber for millions of years is about to end...

When and Where: Tiaanamat, an asteroid within the Rings of Akhaten. For Clara, this is the morning after the Doctor left in The Bells of Saint John, making it still the autumn of 2013.

The Doctor's Case:

• A Good Quotation:
• "Did it?" / "Well, it's what they believe. It's a nice story."
• "Quite a big thing, locally. Like Pancake Tuesday."
• "We don't walk away."
• "I've seen bigger." / "Really?" / "Are you joking? It's massive."
• In Cold War, we'll be told exactly where and when we are from a message on the screen. The Rings of Akhaten does this was far more subtlety, playing Ghost Town by The Specials and showing us a 1981 issue of Beano. It's a far more creative and interesting way to telling us where we are. The classic series didn't broadcast the location and date at the beginning of the story, after all.
  
• Dave and Ellie's romance is a sweet story that not only shows us how ordinary and human Clara is (in terms of the "impossible girl" arc) but gives us a little insight into her. Her mother died eight years ago and she has the 101 Places to See book to remind her of her. Going travelling as she planned to before deciding to stay for the Maitlands was a way of honouring her mother. Probably.
• Although the Doctor travels with his companions so that they can see and experience new things, we haven't had a whole lot of them actually immerse themselves in a new world and enjoy their time there. The Doctor and Clara get to, looking around the marketplace and listening to Merry sing before the plot kicks into action. Exploring the world like this is something that was done in the classic series and in, say, The End of the World, another companion's first adventure.
• The CGI in this episode is flawless. The shots of the Rings of Akhaten and the Old God are all without fault and look absolutely marvellous. It's a shame the actual sets feel so small.
  
• The Vigil do end up in the section below, but they do have a good design. They're scary-looking and scarily-voiced.

The Valeyard's Case:

• A Bad Quotation:
• "Somewhere awesome."
• The plot is easily the weakest link in this episode. Simple plots can be effective if done right but the plot here is paper-thin and yet somehow manages to be confusing. For example, is Akhaten the Old God? Is it Grandfather as well, or is the mummy Grandfather? The plot seems to say that they both are. Does the mummy absorb the Queen of Years' soul? If so, does he somehow transfer it to Akhaten, or does he have some other purpose? What is it? Unfortunately the mummy fails to feel like much of a threat when it spends so long just banging against some glass, and Akhaten is defeated far too easily. 
• Steven Moffat hasn't created a character in Clara Oswald. She was generic in The Bells of Saint John, but that was forgivable under the assumption that she would develop and show different layers. However, it feels as though each writer for series 7b might be told to write in a generic companion. This could be Rose, Ace or Sarah and absolutely nothing would change. She comes across as bland despite us learning about her parents because we can't see what her parents' story has to do with hers. What does her mother's death mean for her? Why does she want to travel with the Doctor? What is she like as a person? She's bland and in need of being coloured in with a personality.
  
• Clara's parents almost never come up again. Her father appears briefly in The Time of the Doctor and their names are mentioned in Death in Heaven when Clara's giving details about her supposed fake identity to the Cybermen, but otherwise Clara never has any concern for them. In Dark Water/Death in Heaven, the dead become Cybermen to attack the living, but Clara doesn't have a moment to think about how her mother is now a Cyberwoman Cyberman or to worry for her father's wellbeing in this or any other earthbound crises. Bill had a dead mother whose absence affected her character. Rose had a dead father that was one of the reasons she joined the Doctor, so that she could save him, and her mother was a significant guest character. Martha's relationship with her mother was used by the Master in his plan against the Doctor, and Project Indigo took Martha where she wanted to be most in a crisis - at her mother's side. Do we not see much of Dave because he's still in Blackpool? Clara could at least spare him a thought. Her unnamed grandmother lived in London, so we could have at least seen her more than twice. More to the point, the story of the Oswalds' lives should have played more of a role with regards to Clara's characterisation in this story, otherwise it becomes mostly superfluous.
  
• There wasn't any real reason for the Vigil to be a part of this story. They appear briefly in order to introduce Merry (although their presence even then wasn't mandatory) and later materialise in the pyramid to serve Merry to the mummy. They don't do very much there and aren't even defeated - they vanish because the Old God is awake and they have no further purpose. The only thing they do is have a dull fight with the Doctor that's about as tense and necessary as his fight moments before with the door. They should have been excised or given something more to do.
• When characters are no longer of importance to what little plot there is, they literally vanish from the screen. Chorister Asbethix and the Vigil alike do it. It feels lazy and leaves unanswered questions that we know we're never going to get an answer to.
  
• The CG landscapes might be very good but the episode feels (and was) setbound. When you don't have a magnificent backdrop, the place feels very small. The place where Merry sings to the pyramid is probably the best example. This is a grand event that people have come from far away to witness, yet Merry is stood four feet from the door and we only get to see a few rows of spectators. It's all the more worse when you consider that this is the same series that gave us the planet of the Dalek Asylum in Asylum of the Daleks, the American West in A Town Called Mercy, the streets of London in The Power of Three and New York City in The Angels Take Manhattan. It can't stand up alongside the stories of series 7a.
• The sonic screwdriver was removed from the show in The Visitation because it had become too easy a way for writers to wrap up a story. Whilst that isn't really the case here, it is too prolific. There's the unnecessary door struggle and the fight with the Vigil (where the screwdriver's given powers we've never seen before), along with being pulled out of his coat pocket twice before. The Doctor shouldn't need a magic wand.
  
• The moped isn't very convincing and is probably the only example of duff special effects in the episode. Having the Doctor and Clara ride a motorbike again is a bit silly. Clara's going to think that's all there is to saving worlds.
• Keepsakes being used as currency is a nice idea but one that I find difficult to buy. 

I'll Explain Later:

• How did Ellie Oswald die? Is it a coincidence that it was on the night of the 2005 Auton attack?
• Why does the Doctor leave the door to the TARDIS wide open after landing on Tiaanamat? He said in the last episode that he never took the TARDIS into battle because of what could happen if the wrong people got their hands on it, yet now he's being so careless as to leave the door wide open in a marketplace. 
• When Clara and Merry get to the TARDIS, the door is closed. Does it lock itself?
• Why isn't the TARDIS translation circuit working for Clara in the marketplace?
• With Akhaten gone... what happens to Tiaanamat?
• The leaf that the Doctor took out of Clara's book in The Bells of Saint John was a maple leaf. The leaf Clara has here isn't. Was she smart and did she use a decoy leaf? How did the production make this mistake?
• The Doctor says he has nothing of sentimental value but his screwdriver. What about Amy's glasses that he was wearing just a moment before?
• Couldn't the Doctor have used the TARDIS to save Merry like he did River in The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone and The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon?
• What happened to Chorister Asbethix?
  

This Reminds Me...:

• Rose and Amy's first trips in the TARDIS were to the future, both of which contained a lot of red imagery.
• The Doctor mentions Susan.
• The Doctor and Clara rode a bike together in the previous episode.
• The way that the Doctor attempts to defeat the Old God isn't entirely unlike how he defeats the villain in Phobos.

The Inquisitor's Judgement: I find it difficult not to draw comparisons between this episode and The Beast Below, both of which are pretty much empty and serve as the first adventure for a poorly-defined new companion. Clara is a placeholder waiting for a real companion (perhaps Oswin Oswald) to leap into the script and inject a little personality into the role of the Doctor's assistant. The story is both thin and contrived - there's a song that keeps a mummy asleep and a girl must sacrifice her soul to it, but it's actually just the alarm clock for the real Old God - and, although the world is immersive enough, it fails to engage. Matt Smith does deliver a good speech, though. The Rings of Akhaten is atrocious, and that earns it an F.

Doctor Who (Series 7)

The Bells of Saint John  |  The Rings of Akhaten  |  Cold War